To someone else, today is just another day. The sun is shining, and life is looking promising. All is well with the world and yet, my heart aches. Seven years ago…I got the news that would alter my life as I knew it. My dear mother passed away at the age of 49 years old. Her death was untimely and totally devastating to our family. She was vibrant, loving, active and beautiful. She worked in ministry and was a devoted christian. She loved her children and my father dearly.
Since her passing, my whole life has changed. She was everything to me! She had all of the answers that I needed as a daughter, especially being the first born. She was my mother, she knew ME, she understood ME, she corrected ME, but most of all…she loved ME! Who will help me now? Who will guide me in my endeavors to be a good wife and mother, as she was? Who will instruct me when I have questions about my path forward in life? I felt lost at times in terms of how to navigate through this thing called motherhood. Nevertheless, I was faced with the harsh reality of understanding that this was my new normal.
I remember praying once shortly after she passed, I yelled to the top of my lungs “God it hurts!!! This hurts!!!” I could hear him speaking back to me saying “It hurt me to give my son, but he was acquainted with grief, and understands your sorrow”. It was then that I realized that just as much as I wanted my mother back, God wanted me to trust him to be my mother. I must say, this is something I never thought I’d go through…but God kept me. He loved me, he instructed me, he taught me, and those times that I felt like I just couldn’t endure, he carried me through my pain.
I’m a praise leader at my church and it’s my obligation to encourage others. How do you do that when you’re depleted of strength and courage yourself? This was my dilemma. I learned that I had to push past my pain! I chose to praise! I learned to endure and have faith in God. This is how I overcame. I sang, although I was broken! I praised God, although I felt I had nothing to rejoice about. I was able to encourage others through maintaining my obedience to him, despite my hardship. This is how I made it through the foggy tunnel called grief. Grief can be a monster, but God is our defender and help. If we yield to God and go to him with our pain, he is faithful and will strengthen us.
Psalm 46:1-2 says
“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea”. God is there in our darkest hour, but we must look to him. I can honestly say that although I miss my mother immensely, my heart is comforted through my connection to the one who created us both. He is the peace giver, he heals broken hearts and he is our help! May you be encouraged to know that God is your remedy, no matter what your condition!
Has life introduced you to anything that you consider to be your “new normal” yet? Feel free to comment and share!